{"id":2432,"date":"2014-11-04T11:41:22","date_gmt":"2014-11-04T18:41:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/?p=2432"},"modified":"2014-11-04T22:19:34","modified_gmt":"2014-11-05T05:19:34","slug":"devastated","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/devastated\/","title":{"rendered":"Devastated"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cThis X-ray doesn\u2019t show me what I need to see\u201d said Regina\u2019s doctor yesterday.
\nLast month Regina finished her 6th<\/sup> month of chemotherapy and over the past few days she\u2019s had an ultrasound, blood tests, and an X-ray taken of her chest to find out if there are still signs of her breast cancer.
\n\u201cThe ultrasound and blood tests look good though\u201d her doctor continued. Still, he looked at me and I could tell he was uneasy with declaring her cancer in remission and her treatment course finished. It takes a few days for the Central Hospital to schedule and perform an X-ray for a patient, a result of a valiant effort to keep up with the constant demand in a city of 2 million people combined with the limited resources of a developing country.
\n\u201cI tell you what,\u201d I said, \u201cI will take her to a private clinic this afternoon and pay for an X-ray there, then tomorrow I\u2019ll bring that back to you so you can feel better about making an informed decision and we can all rest easier about her health.\u201d
\n\u201cNo problem.\u201d Her doctor replied, \u201cJust swing by in the morning and I\u2019ll look at it then write up her discharge papers and she can be on her way home the next day!\u201d
\n\u201cPerfect!\u201d I said, \u201cSee you in the morning.\u201d
\nRegina and I left the doctor\u2019s office smiling and I could see in Regina\u2019s eyes the anticipation and joy of being so close to going back to seeing her family. That afternoon we sped through a little private clinic up the road from our house (where we\u2019ve taken Pedro and Filomena for emergencies in the past) and got a quick X-ray done.
\nThis morning I found Regina\u2019s doctor in the oncology conference room busily doing his best to care for the hundreds of patients he is responsible for. He looked up at me and smiled and, when I asked if he had a sec to look at Regina\u2019s X-ray, he quickly moved aside his current task and held out his hand for the X-ray.
\nWhen he pulled out the plastic film and held it up to the light, his face clouded over.
\n\u201cThis isn\u2019t what I wanted to see.\u201d
\nMy heart sunk. Still\u2026 I hoped.
\n\u201cThis isn\u2019t what I hoped for.\u201d He reaffirmed.
\nHe indicated a cloudy section, contrasting with the dark around it, and said, \u201cThis should be cleaner.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat do we do?\u201d I asked.
\nMy heart was racing. Regina, dear sweet Regina, oh, how I wanted to send her home tomorrow. Oh, how I wanted to get her to the \u201cnice\u201d bus at 2:00 AM tomorrow, the one with air conditioning, with a TV, with a bathroom. Oh, how I wanted her to see her grandchildren, all waiting and hoping that their grandma would be home soon.
\n\u201cShe needs a CT scan.\u201d said Regina\u2019s doctor. And he pulled a little piece of paper out and started writing instructions to the CT scan technician.
\nCarcinoma of the breast, suspected it has metastasized to the lung or bone.
\n<\/em>My heart sunk further.<\/p>\n

\"Beach<\/a>

Beach Day<\/p><\/div>\n

\"Regina\"<\/a>

Regina<\/p><\/div>\n

Metastasized.
\n<\/em>The word no cancer patient ever wants to hear.<\/p>\n

After a few more minutes of conversation with the doctor, I called Layne. She was at home with our three girls and Regina was preparing to leave early tomorrow morning. I told Layne what the doctor told me. We agreed that Layne needed to tell Regina right away.
\nSo, three kids running, playing, crying in the background, Layne approached Regina and started, \u201cRegina, Jon talked to the doctor. We have some bad news\u2026\u201d
\nRegina listened stoically to the report. Her face betrayed little emotion as it began to sink in. She tried to keep doing the cleaning Layne had found her in the middle of. Soon she was leaning against the wall\u2026 crying\u2026 asking God for reasons that didn\u2019t come\u2026 looking for answers to questions too terrible to voice.
\nSitting on a bench back at the hospital, praying and venting my frustration I shook my head over and over.
\nNot this one. Not this one. Cancer! You shall not have this one!<\/em> My heart and soul screamed out, desperate for a confirmation to my challenge. I sat, lungs and throat sucked dry and raged against a disease that ravages so many people I love here.
\nNOT THIS ONE, CANCER!<\/em> My silent scream echoed out to an empty courtyard.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m right. I don\u2019t know if Regina will have a clean CT scan. I don\u2019t know.
\nBut I pray.
\nI pray.
\nLayne told Regina the plan. For the next 8 days we will pray. Regina will pray. Regina\u2019s friends and family will pray. Our friends and family will pray.
\nWe pray for a miracle.<\/p>\n

We pray for a clean CT scan.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t make us liars.
\nPray with us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cThis X-ray doesn\u2019t show me what I need to see\u201d said Regina\u2019s doctor yesterday. Last month Regina finished her 6th month of chemotherapy and over the past few days she\u2019s had an ultrasound, blood tests, and an X-ray taken of her chest to find out if there are still signs of her breast cancer. \u201cThe…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2432"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2432"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2432\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2437,"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2432\/revisions\/2437"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2432"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2432"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2432"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}