{"id":2387,"date":"2014-09-07T10:42:42","date_gmt":"2014-09-07T17:42:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/?p=2387"},"modified":"2014-09-07T10:42:42","modified_gmt":"2014-09-07T17:42:42","slug":"my-hat-in-my-hand","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/my-hat-in-my-hand\/","title":{"rendered":"My Hat in My Hand"},"content":{"rendered":"

A Jon Post<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

There are a few things running around my mind. I\u2019ve decided to make a blog out of it.<\/p>\n

Layne is traveling this week, I\u2019m at home with my three girls, Casa Ahav\u00e1 is empty, two of the most recent four have transitioned out.
\nIn\u00eas finished her treatment and is with her family, hopefully, with cancer in remission.
\nPedro\u2026 well\u2026 if you\u2019ve read the last few posts you know a bit about his story. He\u2019s home, still alive, still paralyzed on his right side, still smiling. His newborn son has a name; Marcos Pedro Mavango. Pedro is in a good place.
\nCampande and Sara are both visiting their families between treatments and will be back tomorrow.<\/p>\n

There was some work that needed to be done on the Casa Ahav\u00e1 rooms that was easier done with no one in there (re-laying broken concrete and tile, re-painting the kitchen floor, etc). We spent some money on some nicer counters and cabinets for Casa Ahav\u00e1\u2019s kitchen and are very pleased with how it came out.<\/p>\n

And so here I sit, home with my kids, mind spinning, thinking about washing diapers, washing kids, washing dishes, washing my sins, washing my wife in the water through\u00a0the word<\/a> (whatever that means), washing Casa Ahav\u00e1\u2019s floors, washing my kitchen floors (I knocked the toaster over a couple days ago, you know how all those toast crumbs get in the bottom of those things? Yeah\u2026 ALL over my kitchen).<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve also found myself thinking a lot about money this week. Money I spent on Casa Ahav\u00e1 (paint, tile, grout, cabinets, toilet cleaner), money I spent on my family\u2019s groceries, money I spent on a plane ticket to send Layne to America. We\u2019ve written on here about how we\u2019re in need of support, how our expenses are higher than our income. How does it then follow that I flew to America last month for a wedding, and that Layne flew to America this week for a birthday trip?\u00a0 How do I look supporters or potential supporters in the eye and say we need more help? I know that you all have entrusted me with these resources and I feel that it\u2019s important to be honest and open about how I use them.<\/p>\n

I went to the USA last month to be Javan and Holly Mesnard\u2019s best man at their wedding. The plane tickets from here to Phoenix were paid for by a generous person who wanted to make sure Javan was blessed. No donated money was spent on that travel.<\/p>\n

Layne is in the USA right now. Last year in January I decided I wanted her to go on a \u201cgirls trip\u201d with her sisters, mom and niece for her 30th<\/sup> birthday which is this year the same year has her mom\u2019s 60th<\/sup>. We\u2019ve been saving a little bit of money every month since then to pay for this trip.<\/p>\n

We do take vacations from time to time. We do try to rest from time to time. We feel like it\u2019s important to find time and memories outside of our full time ministry at the hospital and Casa Ahav\u00e1.<\/p>\n

This week, while the other two girls were sleeping, Anaya was playing with her stuffed animals. She held her stuffed bird in her arms and said in a pleading and mournful voice, \u201cDon\u2019t die birdie. Don\u2019t die in my arms. Just don\u2019t die yet. I love you birdie.\u201d
\nAnaya is 3.
\nThis not an uncommon way for her to play. She often plays at dressing bandages, helping her sisters and toys while (pretend) sick and vomiting.
\nJovie often pretends that Chauncey, her stuffed elephant, is sick and needs to be rushed to the hospital.
\nJovie is 2.
\nThese are the things that keep my mind spinning and my heart questioning about how we\u2019re doing as a family. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s bad that my 3 and 2-year-old are so familiar with death and sickness. But I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s healthy for my 3-year-old to be pretending to have a seizure (like Uncle Pedro) while she\u2019s lying in her bed.
\nAnd so I pray.
\nI was in church recently and there was a guest speaker talking about the dreams God gives us and what He purposes for us to do. He started walking around the room, asking people what they wanted to be. He didn\u2019t come to me but when I started thinking about how I would respond to that question the answer was immediately obvious. I want to be a loving husband and a righteous father. That\u2019s all I really want. Those two things are much more important to me than Casa Ahav\u00e1.
\nSo, we take Sabbaths. We take times to rest away from sickness, pain, and death. We try to give our daughters a world full of life and joy mixed with the pain and sorrow they see every day.
\nThat may be hard for some people to support. Some people may prefer that I spend more time and effort on Casa Ahav\u00e1 than I do on my wife and kids. That\u2019s really, really, really fine. There are lots of missionaries and ministries around the world who are doing INCREDIBLE things for Jesus. They need your help too and I\u2019m sure there are plenty that share your values.
\nFor those of you who are on board with me, please don\u2019t be offended if I splurge now and then for my family. I can\u2019t work a few overtime hours to make some extra spending money so I can take my family somewhere nice for the weekend. I can\u2019t work towards a promotion and the extra money that comes with middle management.<\/p>\n

I live with my hat in my hand, hoping that my priorities are straight, that my wife feels loved, that my kids are fathered well, and my patients are served with all that\u2019s left over.<\/p>\n

\"My<\/a>

My Kids<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Jon Post There are a few things running around my mind. I\u2019ve decided to make a blog out of it. Layne is traveling this week, I\u2019m at home with my three girls, Casa Ahav\u00e1 is empty, two of the most recent four have transitioned out. In\u00eas finished her treatment and is with her family,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,15],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2387"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2387"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2387\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2391,"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2387\/revisions\/2391"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2387"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2387"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonandlayne.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2387"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}