“This X-ray doesn’t show me what I need to see” said Regina’s doctor yesterday.
Last month Regina finished her 6th month of chemotherapy and over the past few days she’s had an ultrasound, blood tests, and an X-ray taken of her chest to find out if there are still signs of her breast cancer.
“The ultrasound and blood tests look good though” her doctor continued. Still, he looked at me and I could tell he was uneasy with declaring her cancer in remission and her treatment course finished. It takes a few days for the Central Hospital to schedule and perform an X-ray for a patient, a result of a valiant effort to keep up with the constant demand in a city of 2 million people combined with the limited resources of a developing country.
“I tell you what,” I said, “I will take her to a private clinic this afternoon and pay for an X-ray there, then tomorrow I’ll bring that back to you so you can feel better about making an informed decision and we can all rest easier about her health.”
“No problem.” Her doctor replied, “Just swing by in the morning and I’ll look at it then write up her discharge papers and she can be on her way home the next day!”
“Perfect!” I said, “See you in the morning.”
Regina and I left the doctor’s office smiling and I could see in Regina’s eyes the anticipation and joy of being so close to going back to seeing her family. That afternoon we sped through a little private clinic up the road from our house (where we’ve taken Pedro and Filomena for emergencies in the past) and got a quick X-ray done.
This morning I found Regina’s doctor in the oncology conference room busily doing his best to care for the hundreds of patients he is responsible for. He looked up at me and smiled and, when I asked if he had a sec to look at Regina’s X-ray, he quickly moved aside his current task and held out his hand for the X-ray.
When he pulled out the plastic film and held it up to the light, his face clouded over.
“This isn’t what I wanted to see.”
My heart sunk. Still… I hoped.
“This isn’t what I hoped for.” He reaffirmed.
He indicated a cloudy section, contrasting with the dark around it, and said, “This should be cleaner.”
“What do we do?” I asked.
My heart was racing. Regina, dear sweet Regina, oh, how I wanted to send her home tomorrow. Oh, how I wanted to get her to the “nice” bus at 2:00 AM tomorrow, the one with air conditioning, with a TV, with a bathroom. Oh, how I wanted her to see her grandchildren, all waiting and hoping that their grandma would be home soon.
“She needs a CT scan.” said Regina’s doctor. And he pulled a little piece of paper out and started writing instructions to the CT scan technician.
Carcinoma of the breast, suspected it has metastasized to the lung or bone.
My heart sunk further.
Beach Day
Regina
Metastasized.
The word no cancer patient ever wants to hear.
After a few more minutes of conversation with the doctor, I called Layne. She was at home with our three girls and Regina was preparing to leave early tomorrow morning. I told Layne what the doctor told me. We agreed that Layne needed to tell Regina right away.
So, three kids running, playing, crying in the background, Layne approached Regina and started, “Regina, Jon talked to the doctor. We have some bad news…”
Regina listened stoically to the report. Her face betrayed little emotion as it began to sink in. She tried to keep doing the cleaning Layne had found her in the middle of. Soon she was leaning against the wall… crying… asking God for reasons that didn’t come… looking for answers to questions too terrible to voice.
Sitting on a bench back at the hospital, praying and venting my frustration I shook my head over and over.
Not this one. Not this one. Cancer! You shall not have this one! My heart and soul screamed out, desperate for a confirmation to my challenge. I sat, lungs and throat sucked dry and raged against a disease that ravages so many people I love here.
NOT THIS ONE, CANCER! My silent scream echoed out to an empty courtyard.
I don’t know if I’m right. I don’t know if Regina will have a clean CT scan. I don’t know.
But I pray.
I pray.
Layne told Regina the plan. For the next 8 days we will pray. Regina will pray. Regina’s friends and family will pray. Our friends and family will pray.
We pray for a miracle.
We pray for a clean CT scan.
Don’t make us liars.
Pray with us.
We will not make you liars – we will storm the gates of heaven and PRAY to a faithful and Good God. We will ask and ask and ask. He will answer as to what is best. He is always always GOOD.
Praying, asking God to help Regina, her family, Jon, Layne, to do this thing called life….SO hard at times, SO hard. God we know how to celebrate with tears the birth of a new life but God how do we celebrate with these tears the death of that same life? Teach us God through each experience to become intimately close to You, to learn what You meant this thing called life to teach us. Reginia and every patient that walks through the gate of Casa Ahava, their lives be for Your Glory Oh Lord, Your Glory!
Yes, praying with you!
Jon and Layne,
My heart goes out to Regina at this moment. I am praying that God will heal her so that she can go home to her family. I pray God’s blessings on you both and on your precious family of girls! I lift you up each day in prayer. You are fulfilling God’s commandment that we go and tell others the Good News! Praise God for your lives! Know that we keep up with your blog. It is wonderful to be able to lift individuals up in prayer and call them by name. Thank you for this blessing to each of us. Take care of yourselves!
PRAYING! This very moment. Praying ❤️
Praying with you as well!
Yes, Jesus, we are asking You: please, not this one.
God Almighty, we cannot give up, but must continue asking You for a miracle of healing. Do it, Lord, do it. Do it for Regina this time. Let her see and be amazed by Your powerful Grace. Your immeasurable Mercy.
Oh Lord, enfold dear Regina in Your big strong arms. May she find herself floating on a sea of mercy and grace, carried by You. Let the next 8 days be a journey of faith for Regina, for Jon and Layne and others who are watching her story. Give Regina the strength she needs to rest completely, trust completely, in You. Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before her, let her find herself singing:
“Bless the Lord, oh my soul, worship His holy Name. Sing like never before, oh my soul! I worship His holy Name.”
oh dear Lord – let this be the time we are praying right as we pray for a miracle of healing for Regina – cancer be gone in Jesus’ name. Please dear Lord let Jon and Layne – and Regina see that miracle revealed in the ct scan. Father we ha ve prayed so many times for healing from cancer for those we love – and we pray again in Your Sons’s precious name. Thank you Jesus.
I put Regina’s name on a sticky note and stuck it to my computer, so every time I sit here, I will join you in prayer.
Not. This. One.
I will pray!!!!