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Category: Personal

Hard and Holy Things

A Jon Post

Have you ever watched a mother in labor? Have you watched her breathe through immense pain, strain muscles to prepare for the anguish of what she is about to do, and then put her head down and begin the hard and holy work of enduring what the curse of sin requires of her?

Have you ever watched a child look up a cliff face? Have you watched that child stare in wonder at the waterfall that comes down from above, marvel at the rainbow refracted off the mist in the air, then put her head down and begin the hard and holy work of climbing the cliff face, reflecting that mystery of the eternal that the Father placed in each of us to see what’s at the top?

Have you ever watched an old widow die of cancer? Watched her body fail her, her flesh begin to wilt, her pain rise above what is tolerable or humane, then see her put her head down and begin the hard and holy work of enduring what the sting of death gives, but also part of the mystery of the eternal which says to climb this hard thing and get to the top?

When that mother holds her newborn baby in her arms, the pain is not gone. Her body still trembles from its laborsong and Eve’s curse still lingers for days over that mother’s recovering body. The pain of childbirth is not relieved by simple birth.

When that child reaches the top of that cliff and looks over the edge, the torrent of water still rushing over the edge singing its hymn of creation. The waterfall doesn’t abate, doesn’t slow, doesn’t offer safety when viewed from the top, the child simply stands at the edge of dangerous places and witnesses the beauty of the difficult.

And when the old widow finally closes her eyes for the last time, maybe… just maybe… like the beauty of the birth is made sweeter by the travails of the labor, the widow’s entrance into a new home is made sweeter by the cliff face climbed through pain. Maybe, though the pain still roars by like the waterfall over the escarpment, the widow’s climb can be seen as beautiful.

There are hard and holy things that I do not understand.

Last week Isabel lay panting on our floor looking at me. Her abdominal pain excruciating and demanding. “This is suffering” she said through tears. “This hurts” she said again, as she reached for another handhold up the cliff. For a moment, through the mist created by her waterfall of pain I glimpsed the spiritual light behind it creating a riot of color and beauty.

“I see” I responded. “I see your pain.” I told her as she rolled onto her side hoping for relief.

Isabel still lives in pain here at Casa Ahavá. Her climb is not yet over, and the waterfall still rages over and through her.

But she is near the top.

And I believe the view from there is one of the things that you cannot see and live.

Please pray that we support her well in her climb and that what little strength we can lend her is enough.

We Are Still Here!

A Layne Post

How is it the middle of August? Time is moving quick these days. We have not dropped of the planet, I promise. Honestly, after Irene passed away in January and Angelo in March, I think we just went into recovery mode. While we remained with lots of patients, varying from 5-10, the work load felt easy in comparison to what we had been living for the previous nine months. I think we instinctively withdrew a little from emotional connection with our other patients in order for the Lord to be able to heal up wounds. By June we felt restored.

Jon began school in March and somehow he has managed to squeeze 3 years of study into six months. (For real? He’s amazing! And God’s grace abounds!) He will be graduating with his Bachelor’s degree in Healthcare Management by the end of August! I will begin my Master’s degree in Palliative Care on the 27th and I’m feeling quite excited. Recently we have had a few situations with our patients that have highlighted the need for more medical knowledge. How great is the Lord that He has provided a way! There also have been talks of further partnering with the Central Hospital here, once I get some courses under my belt. We are excited to see all the Lord has in store!

Over the past few months I clearly felt that the Lord was directing me to rest and take Sabbath, to let Him do a restorative work in me. Sometimes that is easier said than done! Having worked so hard with Irene and Angelo, I began to feel a bit lazy, as my afternoons kept turning up with some free time. My first response was the desire to fill up that time, but there was a confirmed, “No,” from the Lord. Instead, I read some novels. Took a lot of baths. Listened to podcasts. I felt like He wanted me to purposely rest. To purposely be fed by His Word and those teaching His word. And while the past month has had some stress and emotion tied to two different patients, I am coming into this new season rested and strong. The Lord knows what we need, even before we ask!

As Jon wraps up school, he is looking forward to a slow-down and a chance for his own Sabbath. While we still have 5, soon to be 6, patients, his “norm” from the past six months will slow down. I look forward to him receiving the same restoration I’ve experienced.

Lord willing, we will come to the United States in mid-November spiritually healthy and energetic. We so much look forward to connecting with all our supporters. It is such a special thing to get to see and hear about YOU!

As for Casa Ahava, we currently have five women and one man is coming back next week. Jon and a dear missionary friend, Felix, have started doing weekly worship and Bible study with the patients. I take my girls to dance class, but join when I can. It is a sweet time that keeps our community bonded together. Felix has also begun taking our patients that feel well enough on an outing every other week. They have gone to a couple beaches, markets, downtown, etc. It has been something Jon and I have desired, but our own schedules have not allowed to be consistent. We are so thankful for Felix’s heart and the blessing he is to our ministry!

This is going to be our bird aviary! The man in the navy shirt and the man in the orange shirt (both patients) joyfully built it!

So as to not bore you with tons of text, I’ll stop for now, but here’s to a revival of the blog! We hope to catch you up with some stories from the past months.

Thank you for your faithful love, prayers, and support. We have come to know intimately our own weaknesses, but in that the power of our Lord and Savior. May it be true of you!

 

 

Letter to an old friend

A Jon Post

I see you standing there in the corner of the room. I’ve been noticing you more and more these days. Yesterday, you didn’t come around until late afternoon, but I noticed you looking over my shoulder as I played the guitar.

You are welcome here, old friend.

Yes, some days I tell you to leave us alone. To wait days, months, years. Some nights your presence is unwelcome as it is unavoidable.

But today,

Old friend,

You are welcome here in this room.

I saw you peek around my arm as I changed sheets, waiting to see if he would forget.

I wondered myself.

But then he remembered and his chest rose and fell and you moved a bit further back and kept waiting.

You are welcome here, old friend.

I saw your hand resting on his leg as I lifted both and moved him to a more comfortable position (Yes, I know that you already touched that one many days ago). I did not bat it away as I would have with another friend here in my home.

Today,

You are welcome here, old friend.

He’s so tired.

Are you? Do you get tired of coming to my house? Waiting for another friend of mine to forget? Watching to see if their chests will keep heaving back against the invitation you keep offering?

Are you a good dancer?

I bet you are.

I bet that’s one of the first things most of my friends want to do when you help them stand up. Maybe that’s why people have written so many times about “dancing with…” you.

Anyway, I bet you’re a good dancer.

My friend here has tried so many times to simply put his weight on his frail bones. What I would give to know his smile when he doesn’t need to worry about that. Do my friends often smile when you help them stand? Do they often laugh when you dance?

You are welcome here, old friend.

I know, I know… I’ve not been fair in that welcome. I have been so angry with you before in how quickly you showed up at my house. Can you forgive a young fool who thinks he knows better than you? Can you do me this favor today?

Can you come help my friend stand up and dance?

Some days I rail against you and hold you responsible for your timing. But I know… I know… I know you are just waiting for him to forget. Your hands do not hold the power to help him.

You wait for the One who does hold that power.

The power of life.

And yours.

I see you standing against the wall. Is it windy where you are? It’s windy here in this room but you seem as unmoved as the wall. With these windows open, this cool, clean air is brushing past and into my friend’s tired lungs. Do you feel it like I do? Like he does? Does it bring that fresh, new feeling to you too?

I see you there almost at the foot of his bed. I don’t wonder why you won’t meet my eyes. You stare so intently at my friend. You’re closer to him today than you were yesterday. Almost holding him. Will you pick him up tonight? Will he see your eyes the way you see his?

Hello, old friend. I may not have been a good friend to you these years. I may have cursed you, avoided you, accused you, or offended you. I hope you can forgive a young fool.

Because today,

You are welcome here,

Old friend.

Reflecting on 2017

Layne Post

As the year comes to an end and I reflect on 2017, I think of the extremes the this year held. My heart swells and aches as the memories pass.

The first half of the year was finishing the construction of our new home and place of ministry. It was stressful and busy, yet full of excitement and anticipation. A vision begun some three years prior was being birthed before our eyes! We had a handful of ladies with us, but our hospital ministry felt slow as the new house demanded so much attention. In reflection, the months feel like a blur; they went fast and furious and just like that we were living in new place. Now, it is difficult to imagine that we’ve only been in our home around 7 months, being that we feel so deeply settled. What grace!

Towards the end of May we received our first round of new patients at the new place. I remember being briefed on a lady named Irene and feeling a bit concerned about the care she might require. When Jon pulled up with the car full of ladies the girls and I went out to greet them; it felt good to see the rooms fill up, a vision become reality. Irene seemed to make regular improvements and the house felt abuzz with life and community, including disagreements and conflict, but balanced with laughter and song. God’s grace was evident, and our hearts overflowing.

August brought with it suffering and a heaviness of spirit. One of our patients passed away suddenly, which shook our community to the core. We received multiple terminal diagnoses for multiple patients and the weight of it all seemed to hover. Irene had taken a turn for the worse after a short trip to her home up north and now her condition demanded more than we had ever given. We felt wearied as the days passed slowly. God’s grace was sufficient, though at times it felt only moment by moment.

The following months could best be described as a roller coaster, mainly in our care for Irene. Our lives felt lived hour by hour, never knowing what the future held. It was unsettling, disruptive, and painful. We found strength and endurance we could not have fathomed possible in the quiet, consistent pursuit of a Savior who bears our burdens. (Psalm 68:19) We learned to find peace in a Person, not a circumstance. (Ephesians 2:14) And we learned to be still, knowing He is God, and we are not. (Psalm 46:10) We attempted the best care we could offer to the other patients, as well as being parents to our precious littles. In hindsight, I am able to see there was truly grace for all.

December has brought with it such unexpected refreshing. Irene has been thriving at home with her children, bringing such peace to our hearts, while most of our other patients were able to get home to their families for a short time to celebrate. We have had the sweetest time just being with our own children and with each other. Sitting here reflecting on the last three weeks is a bit overwhelming looking at the lavish grace of a Good Father, who knew exactly what we needed. Who could have thought that we would enter 2018 with such full spirits and souls? Praise be to our Father!

 

From our depths, we thank you for your continued love and support. We are so very grateful.

Daily Bread

A Jon Post

Kiss

Is this what starting a ministry is supposed to feel like? My wife and I left the United States 8 years ago (November, 2009) to come here. I still have to pinch myself and make sure I feel all of this and not slip into the daily exercise of bare minimum missions.

 

Each day up early to administer medicine.

Each day in the car driving to the Central Hospital to coordinate with docs, patients, blood labs, radiology departments, and others.

Each day the administrative nit picks of property ownership, non-profit registration, ministry accounting, employee taxes, and bills to pay (personal and ministry).

And none of that feeds me.

…Give us this day our daily bread…

Each day when I wake up (after administering medicine to a strictly regimented hour), I pray a prayer Jesus taught me and repeat the words He gave me;

…Give us this day our daily bread…

I pray for daily bread knowing it’s so much more than flour, water, yeast and sugar mixed and baked.

The daily bread Jesus told me to ask for must mean more than that.

Saint Teresa of Calcutta wrote often about needing bread and water from her precious Jesus. She wrote about how much she hungered for something more than flour, water, yeast and sugar.

…Give us this day our daily bread…

When I feel the “each days” start to weigh on my soul…

When I begin to succumb to bare minimum missions…

When I’d rather stare in silence at the road than engage with my patient about Jesus…

When I’d rather sit on my couch than go wash a car with an old man recovering from cancer and asking me for a bucket and soap to do it himself…

…Give us this day our daily bread…

My soul cries out to a Merciful God whose mercies rise new each day with the sunrise.

…Give us this day our daily bread…

And it is there.

Maybe not enough to gorge myself or to become overfilled with its abundance.

But enough.

Saint John of the Cross wrote about the winnowing of the soul that the Holy Spirit wills for those He loves. He talked about the plant that grows on the dry and windy mountainside being stronger and more resistant than the lush green stalks that flourish in the soft soil next to the river. When the roots of each are put to the test, the plant in the arid and harsh places with little to no sustenance is the one with the deep and strong roots.

So when His mercies are doled out sparingly, I must remember that craggy and ugly plant growing on the side of a lonely mountain.

I was never called to be beautiful or to look fresh and lush and draw eyes to myself.

I am no water lily filled to the brim with all that is needed for its decorations.

But maybe I can learn to be a short and hardy Rocky Mountain Juniper, surviving in dry places and putting roots deep enough to find the mercy of God where there seem to be only high and hard things.

Rocky Mountain Juniper

Maybe I can find my daily bread in those places.

I truly think so.