Author: Layne

A Layne Post

Peace Prayer of Saint Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

Easter felt a bit different for me this year.

I have friends walking through the hardest days of their lives. My job, my ministry, revolve around people suffering, fighting to live, yet often dying. As I listened to worship songs of death being defeated, I felt a strange sting. It doesn’t feel defeated in the way I want it to. I believe Jesus conquered death and rose from the grave. I do. I also know the hard truth that death is still the required road to eternal life.

As I reflect on the story of the Messiah, I can see myself in the Jews. I, too, expect Jesus to come in all His power and glory to defeat the Romans, the oppressors… my oppressors, sickness, cancer, depression, hardship of any kind, maybe death…

Isn’t that what I was told? Isn’t that what you were told? I was told my whole life of a powerful Redeemer, who gave us the keys to the kingdom, who would deliver me from all my suffering. Ask and you shall receive.

Glory. Power. Dominion. Victory.

And then life.

It is so much harder and messier than I expected. More pain. More suffering. I have struggled to reconcile this Jesus I was taught with the life I am living. The formulas I was sold aren’t working.

The declarations. The faith of a mustard seed. The laying on of hands. The two or more that are gathered. The prayer chains. The begging.

Don’t get me wrong, it is not that these are bad. You’ll often find me rubbing a patient’s leg, whispering prayers and Biblical promises over them, and then face down in my bathroom pleading Jesus to intercede. I’m the first to jump on Facebook and ask for communal prayer.

But people are still dying.

I have known the truth of His presence. That wasn’t in question. He just looks so much different than I expected.

More honestly, He looks different than I want.

Where’s the victory?

What I realized is that this Jesus, who was born in a manger, who chose to live in poverty, who rode on a donkey, who washed the feet of others, who walked the Via Dolorosa, this Jesus, in His unexpected upside-down kind of way, instead of changing the required death-road to eternal life demanded by sin, decided to show us how to walk through suffering.

He showed us how to die.

He said, “Follow me.”

It isn’t that I don’t pray for miracles, or for relief, or for mercy. I do. Sometimes it is granted. I also know that when it doesn’t come, as it didn’t for Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, I am in good company. When the road ahead overwhelms me to the point of death, I have an example to follow.

He might not look like I expected or wanted; He is far more humble, but after some time in His presence, I assure you He is so worth following.

Casa Ahavá has been on a bit of a bumpy road as of late. Coming home from our furlough we grew to 14 patients at lightening speed, bringing in multiple new patients on the same days. Despite our excitement of a full house, we quickly noticed that the community needs slower transition in order to keep the rhythms we work hard to establish. The result was a week or two of chaos and dissension, some tears, and some hard family meetings. In the future, we will make our intake slower, which we believe can ease some of these tensions.

We also discovered during this time that our infrastructure was not equipped for the 20 people living on the property (14 patients and 6 in my family). Our septic tanks began overflowing into the yard! Yuck. Wednesday, thanks to a generous family who donated, we started construction on an additional tank, which should solve the problem.

Another problem was our kitchen set up. The pots needed to cook for such large numbers were too big for the hot plates currently used. We decided we needed to add a gas stove option outside. Do you know who met this need? A teenager. She heard about our growing and extra expenses and reached out to see if she could help with her hard earned money. I am awestruck.

An extra hiccup was our patient van broke the week we arrived home from the States and despite a month of trying to fix it, we were unable. Can you believe that one family made it possible to purchase our new patient van? The way our Christ-community has stepped in and carried this project is nothing short of glorious.

A few patients wrapped up their treatments, and we were able to send them home with all our love. We are currently down to 9 patients at the house. We have told the hospital to give us time to finish our septic tank before we we accept anyone new. The expectation is another two weeks or so.

The past week has been hectic health wise for a few patients. We have had an ER visit due to hemorrhaging, another bleeding episode, a severe case of delayed Chemo-induced vomiting (she is wrecked), stomach pains late at night, chills, a patient grieving a death in the family, etc.

We appreciate your prayers and love in this season; we feel it.

And now… the people who make it all so very worth it:

Jon continues to serve in the Covid unit at the central hospital encouraging and supporting their emotional/spiritual health as needed. Mozambique’s numbers are rising and thus the strain on the staff as well. We are trying to be creative in thinking of new ways to love them.

Casá Ahava feels busy and alive. We did some much needed maintenance around the place over the holiday, while patients went home to enjoy the end of the year with their families.

Meet our current patients at Casa Ahavá:

In other news, Jon’s cousin Caleb came to visit over the holidays and help us renovate a small veranda into a new consult/bandage changing room! His church back in Tennessee helped fund the whole thing. AMAZING! We have since started regular meeting with our patients, connecting about symptoms and well-being. I think they are feeling more seen, heard, and loved!

Finally, starting on Monday we are excitedly beginning renovations on a small room outside, which is currently used as Jon’s tool-house. For some time we have noticed that our current men’s side usually sits with 2-4 beds open, while there is a line at the hospital waiting for women’s beds. When we created the project it seemed natural to do 6 women’s beds and 6 men’s beds, however, the need is unequal. We are going to turn the new space into a 4 bed room with an en-suite bathroom, so that the current men’s side can be transitioned to another women’s side. When the project is complete we will be able to offer 12 women’s beds and 4 men’s bed in addition to our hospice in the our home. It feels like a natural and proper step and we are thankful as the Lord blesses each step we’ve taken.

Thank you for your unwavering love and support, even in such a trying time around the world. Lord willing, we will travel to the United States in June and look forward to visiting with as many of you as we possibly can!

Reflecting.

Breathing.

Giving thanks for God’s faithfulness through all our seasons. He remains good.

Last month we had a few sudden difficult weeks, but as always, the Holy Spirit was near. For now, we are grateful it seems as though life has calmed, at least patient-wise.

This week we got the chance to go the beach. It was a little cool, especially for the ladies, but nice to get out and get some fresh air.

Jon’s cousin is coming in December to visit and do a work project at our house to renovate a little room for bandage changes and counseling. We are really excited to spend time with him and show him our beloved country. The girls are excited to have someone else around for Christmas!

We are aiming to return to the States for our furlough toward the end of June next year. Given our big family and 2.5 months we stay, planning starts early. We look so forward to hugging many of your necks, looking into your eyes, and telling you how very grateful we are for your love.

A Layne Post

How time is passing, and those we were getting know have quickly eased into those we call family. We have grown comfortable with each other, learned each other’s ways, each other’s preferences. We have months to recall, perhaps it is not much, but progress. We can sit in silence and not feel awkward. How nice to have things to call on, things to laugh about. She likes vors sausages, he likes physical fitness and learning English, she is always serious and rarely peppy, she like yogurt when she feels sick, she always gets mouth sores and recovers slow, she is worried about her upcoming school exams, etc. On the other hand, how hard it is when difficult conversations arise… prognoses or outcomes.

The switch from patient to friend/family is not recommended by any formal education. They tell us that need for emotional separation is essential to survival. Distance is key. But what happens when God called into this? Into the impossible? Into the “you’ll never make it”? Into the inevitable burnout?

Supernatural sustenance. He does it.

We do our best at self care, at noticing our shortcomings, our short breaths. When our chests feel heavy and flashes of difficult moments become hard to shake from our minds, it usually means it is time for some nature, some family, some seeing the greatness of our God in His creation, glimpses of our Sustainer, our ever-present help in times of trouble. We are at that point.

This week we will head for a couple days to a nearby beach, made possible by the generosity of a stranger become friend. The weather looks unfavorable, yet I am assured the Lord will meet us. He always does. Pray for us! It is our desire to love and support those in our care the absolute best we can.

Pray for Casa Ahavá. 3 patients will do Chemo this week, making for a rough two weeks ahead.

We are forever grateful to you, our supporters. Your prayers and support are noticed and cherished. Thanks for being part of our team, part of making a difference at Casa Ahavá: Lucas, Imakalada, Gisella, Changue, Olinda, Luisa, and Augusta’s lives… and all those we are supporting in their homes… Madelena, Rosa, Custodio, Armindo, Eugenio, Joanna, Filomena, Rebecca.