A Jon Post
Fernando is 16. He arrived at the hospital a few months ago sick, in pain, and unable to walk on his right leg. He had been waiting for a few weeks for analysis on the growth there.
Finally the word came back. It’s cancer, and we have to amputate your leg.
He waited another few weeks for the surgery to be scheduled and for his white blood cell count to be high enough to withstand the surgery and went to the operating table.
When he recovered enough from the amputation he was transferred to the oncology ward to receive 6 months of chemo.
Though brave, strong and optimistic in his first months, he steadily got worse and worse. He grew weaker every week and started sleeping more. I used to have long conversations with him when I visited but he would be asleep during my time there more and more often.
His 18 year old cousin Leito, who has known him since the two were young boys together in their village far to the north, has stood with him for his whole journey. Leito massages his remaining leg because the cancer has spread to the knee and causes pain. Leito helps him to the bathroom, brings him food, and stays nearby in case there’s a need.
Last week when I arrived I found Leito standing outside just looking at the ground.
“Fernando has been discharged” he told me.
My smile turned to ashes… I know what Leito’s words mean.
“Fernando has been discharged”, spoken in abject weariness in Leito’s voice, kept repeating itself in my head. Fernando will not be getting better.
Though Fernando lives in the extreme north of the country with his mother, his father actually lives here in Maputo city.
In the 4 months Fernando has been in the hospital his father has visited him twice. Fernando and Leito left the hospital that afternoon to go to his father’s house.
I once had a conversation with Fernando about what he wanted to do when he was older. He spoke about many of his dreams and he used the phrase “When my real life begins” as he spoke of his future. I remember sitting next to him when he said that, feeling the hope rise in me that pressed against a reality that stared me in the face that indeed his dreams would come true and he would recover from this cancer.
Fernando and I also spoke of Christ and His resurrection. We held hands and our hearts rejoiced in our shared faith.
Now, in his fathers home, he waits to die.
Fernando is waiting for his real life to begin.
He will not have to wait long.
Rejoicing that he knows Christ, but grieving with you and with him. Fernando will be in our prayers – as are you. :-)
So many – so young – as we pray with you we weep and rejoice at the same time – we weep over the pain and suffering that is so ever present in the hospital – and yet rejoice that you both are able to comfort and assure them that our real home is with Jesus. We weep as they depart and yet rejoice with the angels as they are welcomed home. We thank the Lord that you are able to continue in the work for the Lord. And we pray for your peace and rest between visits. And we send big hugs and kisses to all three of you – and of course especially to Anaya. Love you!!!
“It is times like these that it matters the most to believe.” – Nathaniel Dunigan
Sorrow. Peace. Frustration. Fear. Hope. Anger at injustice. So many conflicting emotions when I think of Fernando.
I pray that he will find himself able to step into the faith and hope of his real life, even while his shadow life keeps him tied to a broken and pain-ridden body and in the care (or lack thereof?) of a negligent father. May his Real Father have abundant mercy on him. If you see him again, Jon, tell Fernando that I remember him and I pray for him. I really do.
my heart always wrenches in that mix of sorrow and unexplainable joy when i read about the people yall are in contact with. i pray whatever is needed, that Spirit will meet you and those you love in the perfected way, no hindrances.
praying, praising,believing… his real life has begun :)
I can only praise God that you are able to be there to support both of them, and share hope with them. We can’t understand now, but one day we may. This world is not our true home – hard to remember that sometimes. Love you guys.