A Layne Post

I am sorry for our lack of writing. This morning I actually feel like I have time. One of my children gave an early wake up call by wetting the bed, so it is 5:55am and let’s just say, I’ve flat ironed my hair, done the dishes, had my coffee… I’ve been up awhile. And I sit here on my couch with only the hum of my air conditioner (Because it is hot y’all. At 5:55am.), and I am reflecting on the goodness of God  in the midst of suffering, and His desire for me to love those around me out of brokenness and humility. I am thinking about the changing of heart He’s been working in me, the warming of a heart that had become a little cold.

Last week one of our patient’s 5 year old daughter died, about one month after her mother died. Then our dog of 5+ years died. Then some stomach pains that have been an issue for me decided to give me problems. Then one of our patients had to start taking an opioid for pain after being pain free for months, this was one day after Jon and I were talking together and praising the Lord for the miracle He’d been doing in him. Then we got news that our patient, who was home to bury her daughter, had come down with vomiting and diarrhea and was in the hospital herself and would miss her next round of Chemo. One of our challenging patients, who had gone home for a period, came back to perform some tests and will stay with us awhile. This week we had some surprising complications with paperwork.

Last week I cried a lot. I felt beat down. Tired. Empty.

But I was not crushed.

2 Corinthians 4: 7-12

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned;struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.  So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

There is a beautiful mystery of this walk with God, that when you stop fighting death and pain, then life sneaks in. The life of Jesus.

My devotional book “Humility and Absolute Surrender” by Andrew Murray has been saying things like, “Where the spirit of love is shed abroad in the heart, where divine nature comes to a full birth, where Christ, the meek and lowly Lamb of God, is truly formed within, there is given the power of a perfect love that forget itself and finds its blessedness in blessing others, in bearing with them and honoring them, however feeble they may be. Where love enters, there God enters.”

And so in my emptiness, Jesus came in and love began to stir up, a desire to bless again. Bless with my heart and not just my actions.

Please pray for us, as our hearts and emotions are easily wearied. Pray for us to know the love of God ourselves, so we can most effectively minister it to others. We so appreciate your support.