A Jon Post
Where did we go? We used to post far more often here. We used to update anyone who happened across this little blog on an almost weekly basis about our lives and the ministry Christ placed us in, here in Maputo.
So what happened? Why the extended times between posts? Why so little substance in the recent posts?
It turns out we are still broken. We are struggling to learn how to do this. We still find ourselves approaching the end of most of our days clawing towards a fitful rest, wondering if we have the strength to do this again tomorrow. We are not trained doctors, nurses, psychologists, or counselors. We’re just a family trying to offer a home to those without one. We’re just a family trying to offer love and comfort to many who lack both.
It’s tough some times.
About 2 months ago, one of our patients died in my arms.
Broken.
Her metastatic throat cancer sent its dark tendrils into her lungs and pulled her breath from her body. Dear Momma Berta held me close, told me goodbye, and slipped home.
About 2 months ago Papa Gary and Ms. Janet in Texas, gave deeply from the bit the Lord trusted them with, and funded the purchasing of more than a half acre of land and the construction of a new home for Casa Ahavá.
Given.
We’ve begun the process to design and build Casa Ahavá from the ground up as a temple to Christ and a home for the sick and dying.
About 2 months ago, one of our patients writhed in pain as his tumor pressed sharply on sensitive nerves in his head and eye.
Broken.
He spent a week barely conscious, calling out for his mother and grandmother, terrified of a painful death.
Layne and I spent that week trading shifts with him making sure that one of us was with him 24 hours per day.
Given.
We slept in the room with him, administered morphine, sang worship songs over him, read scripture to him, and prayed deeply to a Merciful God that there would be peace. In His overwhelming mercy, the Lord brought him back from his pain and today, he is talking of visiting his family over Christmas/New Year then returning to continue his treatment.
About 5 months ago, we welcomed a patient to Casa Ahavá whose brokenness in her family begat bitterness in her heart and who lives now with a physical cancer to match the emotional one that cripples her spirit.
Broken.
Despite our frail attempts to love her and offer her a home and a family, she often spurns love and chooses loneliness and heartache.
Now she approaches the end of her treatment and time at Casa Ahavá and our hope to see Christ’s redemption transform her heart is sinfully weak. In our own brokenness we find it’s easier to choose anger rather than forgiveness, to choose indifference rather than love, to choose clean detachment rather than messy engagement.
Broken.
We are still struggling to learn how to do all of this.
Smiles
I wish I could say that we are wonderful missionaries representing Christ perfectly to all those with whom we meet, offering only love and bright eyes to the broken and downtrodden.
But I can’t.
In our own brokenness we forget our Great King and choose selfishness over others.
But a great teacher and pastor once wrote that here, in the life of the Beloved, we are broken in order to be given. Our lives and our deaths are the greatest gifts we have to offer, even though both come through a great deal of brokenness.
Just as our Savior took bread…
Broke it.
And Gave it.
So we can choose to be a gift even as we are broken.
That’s what we’re trying to do. That’s what we’re trying to learn as we wipe fevered brows, hold writhing hands, soothe wounded hearts, and smile tired smiles.
Just in case any of us thought it would be easier to be Christ-like on the mission field than at home, right?
Oh how we yearn together, for full revelation of Jesus to be seen in our messy lives. I pray with you for the grace to walk Spirit-empowered, Jon and Layne. I know it is hard — especially when you are also responsible for the raising and training of four small children. Somehow God graciously makes beauty out of the paltry offerings of our lives. How does He do that?
thanks for giving out of yalls brokenness. It’s a reminder we all need. It encouraged me- so be encouraged as well. We are all trying to stay humble and needy, so we can be as perfectly close to God as possible. It IS hard . Keep up striving. love ya..
I remember feeling so inadequate to care for my mom in her last months of life. A friend said I would learn to do it as we went along, but I still felt an amateur in Mom’s final moments. It amazes me that God trusts the eternal to us so frail.
Yet He chooses. Again and Again.
Your honesty is hope for the rest of us as well as a challenge to keep pressing onward to the upward call on all our lives. Thank you both.
Simply beautiful, simply said from the heart God created for exactly this… Keep loving, keep giving because you are pleasing to your Father in heaven. You all are making a difference, that’s what it’s all about. Blessed are the feet of those who carry the good news 😊
“I wish I could say that we are wonderful missionaries representing Christ perfectly to all those with whom we meet, offering only love and bright eyes to the broken and downtrodden.
But I can’t.”
Dear Jon & Layne, I’m reading through some of your posts this morning. This one touched me, deeply. When I was younger I thought following Christ, exhibiting him to others, meant I’d never make a mistake, but, woefully, I was so wrong. Somehow it’s easy to believe that to show Christ to others means that we are somehow above our humanity, but, the reality is we are works in progress and HE knows that. And STILL he chose to put this desire in YOUR hearts to be in Mozambique ministering in this specific area, not because you were sent into the mission field by a board but because you’re heeding what he has placed inside of you. Because you are aware of your human heart failings it’s easy to think you are not fulfilling the desires of HIS heart, but, the ones you care for, the many that have become close in your heart, they see past this, they see Christ’s love for them even if they cannot verbalize what they are experiencing. The woman who has chosen to shut you out, she knows, it seems to me she’s afraid to love, maybe because she’s lost the ones she has loved, we surely don’t know, but, God does, he knows her heart, the pain and bitterness that fills it, and he placed her with you all! He is amazing, he knows, he loves through it all. This may sound bizarre, but, I read this post with some gladness. Gladness that he has brought you to this place of brokenness – an egg is tasty, but, if it’s never broken you cannot taste how good it is. Sometimes we fry it, scramble it, or, beat it. In the end we can finally eat it! Ah, Jon & Layne, it’s been in your brokenness, not in a life lived “perfectly”, that Christ has come forth to these dear ones. Your compassion for their suffering, your loving them even in small ways speaks volumes to them. May Christ continue to grow in you both as you walk this journey that he has set you on, and as you see your lack may you know, with assuredness, that he is there, in your lack. May God’s grace, wisdom, and love be evident to you both and to your precious girls today and always. Now, I need to go crack some eggs and feed a couple of grandboys! lol