A Layne Post:

As you remember the vision, I would implore you to not give up on that vision, our vision. When things take longer than expected, when it seems as though everything is at a standstill, do not give up.
If Jon and Layne falter, if we grow weary
…please…
Do not give up.
It is imperative for the people of southern Angola to have people fighting for them. You fight by interceding. You fight by financially supporting the hands-on effort. You fight by spreading awareness of the need.

Fight for the fatherless.
Fight for the sick.
Fight for the poor.

And do not give up.

Ever.

Honestly this whole process has been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster for me. When I say this, I have to giggle because we have not even gotten to Africa. I know it is only the beginning, but let me share. I want you to understand the process in all of this. For now it may seem like we are just sitting, however, we are anything but that.

I started this with so much determination. Don’t get me wrong, I am still determined (said with my serious eyebrows), but over time I have wavered. There have been moments of utter weakness, ready to throw my hands up.

I have struggled with the fear of not being able to do this, thinking maybe it is all too big; maybe I am going to let everyone down. I have prayed earnestly, thought I have heard the voice of the Lord, acted, and then nothing happened. I was left discouraged. Maybe I made up the voice in my head. Perhaps I longed so much for direction that I made up my own. Who knows? I would not be able to answer that even now.

At one point I began to get quite hopeful and decided I would let my heart go there, to get a little excited. That ended with deep hurt and what felt like betrayal. I was left uncontrollably sobbing into my husband’s arms (even now I get tearful thinking about it).

Right now I have surrendered all my efforts. I am at peace. Truly, I am. I read in Psalms 46:10 (NASB) “Cease striving and know that I am God.” I simply need Him to be God.